Learn

(I've had "Let's Get Fucked Up and Die" by Motion City Soundtrack on repeat.)

Has there been a time when being hopeful hasn’t screwed someone over in the end? Ever?

I’ve learned not to get hopeful or be optimistic. All it does is make you look ignorant. It opens doors so that people, and yourself, can look in and scream in your face the numerous reasons why you’re pathetic. We should all just know now that in the end, whatever happens, happens. And most of the time it’s not what you want. But it’s not like you can change it. Don’t make up scenarios in your head. Life never works out that way. We should just face the facts and tell ourselves, “that’s that”. Settle. You aren’t going to be accepted. You’re not going to be included. You’re not going to mean anything to anyone. In the end, they all just care about themselves. You’ll be forgotten, tossed aside, if that’s what the situation calls for. We’re all alone in the world. Everyone’s in it for themselves. You are in charge of saving yourself.

This is actually part of the reason why I don’t believe in God or any higher power. Nothing’s out there to help you. You’re on your own. 

And when something doesn’t work out, there’s no one to blame but yourself for thinking it would. 

So think about what you want. Now think about how it would feel to have to watch someone else taking it.

Hold on to that feeling.

The raw hurt and burn. The audible crashing of what you’ve built in your mind and the piercing ringing that numbs your body and brain.

And that's why you don't get hopeful. 

I apologize for being so severe. I'm angry. I need to go home. I need a break.